Hey all. Sitting in the Seoul airport. Not many people are here, and everything is in English, so no culture shock yet.

I started journalling on the plane on a legal pad. Bu xiang. I plan on buying a journal for real in Beijing.

Right now, I'm trying to figure out what that big teal thing outside the window is. It might be water, but it hasn't moved.

More later. Zaijian!

Holy shit...I'm going to...China...This is weird.  I just realized it, because I put just about everything in my suitcase now.

It seems like not that long ago that Dr. Morehouse and Dr. D "sat us down" and told us we were going, but that was the beginning of Fall 2008, which seems like years and years ago.

I'm starting to get nerves.  I always get a little anxious when I leave to go somewhere, but this time I'm verging on scared.  So I don't know if this buzz that I'm feeling in my brain is fear or excitement.  Yeah, not sure.

The good news is, I found a light-weight duffle bag that I'll be able to see from a distance - it's covered in polka dots (I'm thinking about permanently borrowing it from my sister) - that has plenty of room too.  I've got about 17 or 18 pounds in there now, whereas with the other suitcase, I probably would have exceeded my weight limit by now.  This wouldn't be a problem if my horn didn't weigh 15 freaking pounds.  I wish I had a screw bell horn and a lightweight case.  Nevermind, no I don't, because then I'd have to take my horn as carry-on (this is the domestic flight in China I'm talking about).

There we go.  I'm pissed off about my packing situation again.  Mom says go buy new underwear.  Glad she thought of this THIS MORNING, while I was still trying to sleep, no less (I was having a crazy dream about a mud monster).  Well, at this point, I feel better being angry than being scared, so I'm going to keep it that way, I guess, or just try not to think about China at all...sadface.

I decided that I should get back into LJ since I'm going to China, and it would be nice to do a blog type thing, but GUESS WHAT. LJ is freaking blocked in China.  Oh well.  I'll find a new way.  I don't think it's blocked in Korea, so I can do a quick post while I'm in Seoul, probably, and then when we come back through Seoul.  Otherwise, I'll be posting notes on Facebook that you can read, and then I'll probably transfer them back here.

Yeah, this is pretty freaking sweet!

This is a test.

 Yeah, I haven't written in forever.

Today sucked ass.  Concert at 2, meeting at 5, dress rehearsal at 7.  No thanks.

I think Mika's done recording his new album, or is almost done.  He's freaking awesome.  He's so musically smart.

I don't have much else to say right now.  I have a paper to work on and other shit.

I GOT MY HORN.  Her name is Stella.  I'm using the new mouthpiece too because it sounds darker and is easier to control.

LOOK AT HER.

Symphonic played beautifully tonight.  I performed the best I ever have, and just...wow...I wish I could tell you how I felt, but the only discription is the music itself.  Words compared to music mean nothing.  I've never been more in love with anything, and I can say that with absolute conviction.  Barnes Third Symphony...god...if you heard it, you would understand completely.  40 minutes of every imagineable emotion, every degree of joy and heartache and pain and anger and any and every feeling in between, so much so that you would cry and not understand just why or laugh out loud for no reason at all or scream till you were hoarse at no one about nothing.  But it's so much more than that.  It's death and pain and loneliness and rage and the best and worst day of your life and everything you've ever been through, but just by me saying that, you wouldn't actually understand, you just couldn't.  You would have to HEAR.  Just HEAR it.  If I was blinded, I would live.  If I was deaf, I would kill myself.  That's the power of not just this music, but all the music in the world, good and bad, the stuff that you hate, and the stuff that speaks to your soul.  It's proof that some kind of someone is watching over the world, good or bad, that someone somewhere is doing something for humanity as a larger community.  Beethoven said that musicians are speaking for god.  It's true.  Some kind of god or parent being (not higher being - that's just not the way I see it.  A cooperative being who takes us in and speaks to us kindly and lets us live our lives as we choose, good or bad, but still takes us in at the end of the day)...That's what music proves.  I don't need evidence.  This 7 days' worth of music on my computer is proof.  Schools of music and coservatories and concert halls and street musicians and the community and support formed by people around music and tonight's concert are proof.  Proof, proof, proof, of a beautiful thing at work around us.  Music is the ultimate thing, and I don't even know why.  I feel it very deeply though, and no one can uproot or unseat or question that feeling.  It is solid and concrete and yet fluid and abstract and emotional at the same time.  Music is love in all its multiple forms.  Music just IS.

I redeemed myself musically today, well, tonight.  I got my tone SO pretty for about 20 or 30 minutes, after a little over 2 hours of sounding kind of shitty, like I was playing through a tin can.  I can't wait to get my new horn.  It sounds so dark and pretty.  But yeah, this Yamaha I'm playing on now is kind of icky.  Then I lectured Jeremy on breathing technique, and there was lots of sexual innuendo involved.  You have to do a lot with your throat and mouth, you know.

The civic orchestra concert was kind of...eh...the horns were out of tune and stuck out...a lot...But I guess that's what happens when you're in middle school.  The principal trumpet sounded nice though.  He had a pretty tone.  Walter and Jake and Ryan sounded good.  Bitchin brass sound.  The principal violin sounded REALLY good, and she's only a freshman in high school.  So pretty.

I need to be increasing my practice time more steadily, instead of having random heavy spells.  It's not that productive and won't breed consistancy.  Performance majors should be doing a minimum of like 3 hours a day, or that's what they tell me, anyway.  Ben Henning told me a lot of ed majors just do an hour.  Ha.  Yeah, the average ones, but I want to be great - symphony quality *wistful sigh*.  I know for a fact Jess and Josh practice their asses off, and so do Jon Poquette and Aaron Moore (I know they're *just* trumpets, but they're also ed majors).  They're all performance major quality.  I'm going to be performance major quality.  I know I have it in me.  It's just going to be a lot of work.  Being at the 040 level of lessons hurts my musical ego a little, so I'm trying to rise above that.  When I saw how many hours of practice, keep in mind that's QUALITY hours, not dick-around-and-waste-time hours, and that DOESN'T include ensemble work.

I forgot where I was going with all that.  I'm tired.  The end.

1)  Stop acting like you have all the answers.

2)  There's more to life that what you're living.

3)  Grow up.

4)  Grow down.

5)  You'll be fine if you just focus.

6)  Why don't you wear a seat belt when you drive?  You'll die that way.

I realized this today when I was walking back to the dorms from Altgeld, through Thompson Woods; as stressful as school can be, you can walk through the woods, and you just feel better.  You can go on a nature walk in the middle of town, in the middle of a school, and things are just better.  It's one of the cool "hidden features" of SIUC.

 Title: Blind Game Again (in multiple parts; more later)
Author:  </a></b></a>theaudhobbit42
Pairing:  Shuichi/Yuki
Fandom:  Gravitation
Theme:  #20 - The Road Home
Disclaimer:  Gravitation = not mine

Completed Themes

( ::Blind Game Again:: Yuki's gone missing, and it's up to Tohma and Shuichi to find him. )

I'm going to Zach's tonight!!!

So, I guess I need to start thinking about really saving money for...stuff.

I thought about opening a retirement account, but I don't want to think that far in the future.  It just seems wrong to save for retirement when I'm so young, and I haven't even gone to college yet.

I know I have to save for college, but I don't know how much I'm paying for, or how much my loans are, and so I don't know how much I should be saving, or if I'm going to need to save to pay for just random stuff my first year cuz I won't have a job.  So I guess I need to find out whether or not I'm getting a job.  So I guess the answer to my question is that I need to save for college...but then I'm wondering if I should possibly invest in CD's.  That way, in about 3 years, I'd have $500+ to start paying for loans.

That raises another question, which I thought I'd figured out; should I get my masters or not?  I was pretty sure I was going to, but then Trent said, "Good luck getting a job in Southern Illinois," and then I started thinking that he was right...Better education doesn't exactly mean better job.  In teaching, better education could very well mean no job.  I'd like to get my masters, but I know that if I get a job and then try to go back to school, that's going to be hell.  The only idea I've got right now is talking to my college advisor lady.

Ugh...I guess the point is...I don't know what to do with my money, or how serious to be about it...And I'm scared of really being on my own, because I'm afraid I'm not gonna be able to support myself.